"Would you like to save a child for only one dollar a day?" Part 2

The day of observation came. I bussed over, this time, dressed in a less extreme fashion: wearing only a shirt and tie. I was prepared for a very tiring day. Being curious as to what type of job this could be, and honestly, being quite anxious, I almost missed my bus stop. When I arrived at the office, this time a little later, there were still many people waiting in the green room. It seems their interviews continue throughout the day. I was given another form to fill, just an agreement that I am not being paid on my day of observation, again handed to me by that very attractive and tall receptionist.

I finished my form, again, waited silently and awkwardly with a few other people. I recognized some of them from the day before. The attractive French lady, the man with the leather boots.

Suddenly - "(Loud indiscernible ruckus)" followed by repeating "(Loud indiscernible ruckus)."

"Sales... serious business" one man in the waiting room exclaimed. Everyone chuckled, but I chuckled because I have a strong suspicion this man is from 4chan.

After what seemed to be 15 minutes of this, the ruckus stopped, and the team broke out of the room in a very excited manner. As they walked by, I got a good look at this strange group assembled before me. A couple of what looked like, gang-bangers, some guy wearing an emo hairstyle, some very attractive girls, and some normal looking people (but I found out later, none of these people were, to the true definition of the word - it will be explained). The boss (Rocket Richard), came up to each person in the waiting room and assigned a partner, a mentor, a buddy. I was assigned to Pistol Pete (I changed the interviewer's name to machine gun max - 'cause it fit his nature better). I was told that Pete was one of the newest, yet most consistent leaders. He had just come back from PEI, on road trip, and he will be teaching me the ropes today. We shook hands, became good ol' pals, and he got down to business.

He asked whether if I brought a notepad with me. I didn't. In fact, I didn't bring anything, since I had no idea of what to expect. Thankfully someone else had a notepad and he wrote down a few quick pointers. We jumped into what looked like very, very second hand van. The outside looked like it suffered an extreme amount of wear and tear. The inside burnt my nostrils of putrid smelling smoke. Even though, as I learned almost immediately after, that they were not allowed to smoke in the van, the van remains tainted of foul tobacco smoke. How could it not? Everyone, and I mean absolutely everyone there, were smoking. It seems the only things driving these people to live everyday is to sell sponsorships, and smoke.

A few others got into the van with us, their names are not important so I won't waste the time to assign names to each. We were a team, and we traveled down the highway in this van to some part of Ottawa unknown.

Pete, took the time to teach a few basics to me... hopefully I can still remember them.

The first thing he wrote down: SEX. Real mature acronym :P

But it made sense - Smile, Eye Contact, and Excitement. He taught me that this was the most important weapon in his arsenal of tools. Without SEX, don't expect to impregnate anybody with your product. What is our product? We are saving children. This is also important to understand, but I had a tough time accepting this.

Then he wrote down a quick way of breaking down a sale

1) open 2) introduction 3) short-presentation 4) close 5) rehash

Following that, the correct way to work

1) maintain postive attitude

2) be on time

3) be prepared

4) work your turf correctly

5) work your whole turf

and 3 others that I can't quite remember. These were not too important.

I was told that I would have a test on this when I go back so I better memorize them throughout the day.

We were dropped off in a corner of a small community, it seems each had a special area to cover. Pete and I got out of the car, he came out first, and I climbed out second. By the time I got out, he was already in the middle of lighting a cigarette. He showed me a black and white photocopy of a section of the map of Ottawa. There were other black lines on various roads, and we were dropped off in a section marked off with highlighter. Our "turf" for the day is the section within the highlighted box.

We were dropped off at around 1AM, when hardly anyone was home. But our goal was to talk to at least 50 people by lunch which is around 5PM. He asked me what kind of people would be home at this time, I used my implicating skills learned from business class and deduced that we would be talking to old people, housewives, and unemployeds. He asked me how I would be able to sell to these people considering they either don't want to, or they can't really afford to sponsor a child even if they wanted to (which they didn't). I didn't know how to answer this.

Then he told me, it doesn't really matter whether if we sell to these people or not. Using the law of average, the more "no's" talk to should mean that we come closer to a "yes." Some bullshit statistics, but I think it's more about keeping morale high than anything. And anyone not familiar with statistics would have gobbled this up like a chicken gobbles up corn. But I went along with it, and I'm glad I did.

We talked to various kinds of people. The ones who shut their doors on our faces (the quick no's); the ones who listen to every word, then quickly rejects us (time vampires); the sympathetic people who already donated recently, be that donation legitimate or not. And every time a cute girl came to the door, Pete would work his charms, and I was amazed at how easily the girls were charmed by his words (while also quickly taking mental note for myself in the future :P).

Here's what a typical pitch would sound like:

"Hey! How are you? Don't worry! I'm not a salesperson (and if there was a dog - 'you don't need to sick the dogs on me!), I'm not asking for donations. I'm actually hear doing something I'm very proud of doing." *Quickly opening the Port containing the laminate of information and suggestively handing it to the homeowner.*

"My name is Pete, and this is my bodyguard" *points at me* (this usually gets a few chuckles, considering how nonthreatening I look... damn).

"We here on an emergency campaign today, due to all the natural disasters happening in the world lately, and we have been given a few children that have been waiting the longest for a quality sponsor such as yourself to provide food, water, shelter, basic necessities."

"Do you know how much it costs to save the life of a child? Only 1 dollar a day, do you think you can afford to save a child for only 1 dollar a day? I mean, to us a dollar is pocket change, but to these kids. To these kids, it means another day of living."

I won't retell the entire pitch, but it generally revolves around that. The rest is about customizing, getting the home owner to talk about themselves.

I was later taught that I should ask questions like "where do you work? do you have any kids?" as hooker questions. They prod the person to talk and usually they give much more valuable information of which you can easily use to your advantage.

A few impulses I learned later - urgency, nonchalance, emotional, Jone's, (and a few others I can't quite remember). And it was always important to sell yourself, to sell your enthusiasm for the program so that people sponsor a child not because they're saving a child, but because you showed them how much it means to you so they do it for you.

Urgency - "we're only in the neighbourhood for the day"

Nonchalance - "oh, that's okay, well, I'll just move on to the next door then"

Emotional - "saving lives, and communities"

Jone's effect - this is where other people are doing something, and you feel compelled to act that way too "your neighbourhood has been very good to us today, we started out the day with 6 kids, but we're left with 4"

That's usually a lie, we start the days with only 4 people.

Also, something else I learned, the less number of options you present to the client, and the later it is in the day, the easier it is to sell. It's easier to sell your enthusiasm this way, and when you end the day with only 1 kid left in your portfolio, they are compelled to help you make a perfect day.

Our goal was not to sell anything, our goal was to make a 4 second friend, then convince him that this was a good idea. So it's usually important to get out the "my name is... oh, what's yours?" "How's your day? ya? I'm fine thanks, most people don't ask me!" "Oh, like your shirt, where did you buy it?"

Anything to connect with the person and show him/her you are human, and not to hide behind the mask that is World Vision, or Planned Canada.

The day went smoothly. We talked to 50 households before 5PM, and by that time, we haven't had one bite. Some nibbles, but no bites. But it's okay, we were about to make a second trip around the neighbourhood after lunch. This way, we already crossed off the people who were absolutely "no's" and all that are left are people who expressed interest before hand, or people who had jobs.

By 9 o'clock, we had 3 deals. One of which was to a schoolteacher who was going to get the entire class involved. The idea was suggested by us. We were playing a bit of daylight inception, step out of the way Di Caprio and Nolan!

3 deals in one day is a lot. If someone carries out 3 deals in all 5 days of the week, they would have 15 deals in that week, earning them not only a high hourly wage for the week, but also an Ace of Spades. You get your picture taken and have you face and accomplishment forever plastered to the wall.

The van picked us up at the same street corner and we drove silently back, exhausted. 8 hours of solid walking and knocking on doors will wear you down. But to be honest, I hadn't felt how tired I was until I sat down in that van. Pete went through what he had taught me early in the day, and asked me whether if I was prepared to work very hard. 'Cause this job is not forgiving, and if I wasn't willing to work hard, I'd better just leave now and not waste both of our times. I agreed to try my hardest... and in the week that followed, I proved my worth.

I wrote a short quiz in the office, and Pete had talked to Rocket Richard who then called into his office alone and asked me why I wanted to work here. I told him that I want to work here because it was something that I figured would get me out of my shell (I was very right), and to be honest I was between jobs. But I would be committed to work my hardest for him.

I went home that night with an acknowledgement, and a job. Rocket Richard asked me to come in on Monday and start working officially. I shook hands with Pete, said goodbye, and went home, dog tired, and just waiting to pass out at home.

Now understanding what the job is about, I was prepared to come back in and prove my worth on Monday. Monday would be my first official day -- on Monday, I get to do the selling. But what happened thereafter was not exactly according to plan.

-Wayne

"Would you like to save a child for only one dollar a day?" Part 1

I've told to many of my experiences as a door-to-door salesperson helping organizations like World Vision and the Foster Parent's Plan to get sponsors. I've never completely told anyone about the story from beginning to end, however. It was always snippets of what I thought was really interesting, but in reality, the entire experience was less than anything of exciting.

It was a hard job, but it wasn't a tedious job (mostly), and it requires quite a bit of cunning. And I miss it.

I started working for Top Notch Advertizing Inc in the beginning of this summer, when I was in the middle of looking for summer employment. I scoured the internet of ads and postings hoping I would be able to find a quality, if not, well paid position. It was extremely difficult. Government offices were not accepting my resumes and applications and I was feeling the pressures of getting a job as by this point, my father had been out of work for a year and a half.

My parents kept our financial struggles away from me, but I'm not an idiot, and I've always been good at calculating finances. We've all been tightening our belts, but if better news didn't come soon, my dad would lose his EI in the next little while. So I felt the pressures of at least finding *a job* towering over and raining down on me like the erupting Mount Vesuvius.

One day, I took interest in an ad on Kijiji -- "performance based pay... hourly wage, not commissions based." I was skeptical as to what kind of a job this could be and gave a call as that was the only source of contact.

"Hello, Top Notch Advertizing, how can I help you?" Answered a man who spoke with the speed of greased lightning.

"Uh, just responding to an ad you posted on Kijiji, I would like to apply for said position" (and I thought to myself, whatever the position maybe)

"Do you think you have what it takes to be Top Notch?"

"Yep!"

"Cool, come in tomorrow at 11am for an interview, dress to impress."

"okay..."(that was easy)

Of course, for the rest of the day, I thought I had just stumbled upon some big scam. What kind of company would offer an interview just like that? I decided to follow through - it says it is not commissions based, so what have I got to lose?

I went to the interview the next day, dressed in a suit-and-tie. Followed the directions and drove to a sketchy industrial neighbourhood just off of Carling Ave. I was sketching out a bit at this moment, and was contemplating on whether if I should step into the door, and if I do, whether if I will see my family or livers again.

I pull open the dusty door, which looks like an emergency exit more than an entrance. I see a narrow staircase, with light shining at the end. I climb up. *thump thump thump*

"Hello, are you here for the interview?"

In front of me sat the receptionist. It probably because the office had huge windows and the sun outside was as bright as Einstein, but I swear her face glowed. She was beautiful. She had blond hair, a blue dress, and a stud in her nose, right under the bridge. The office looked nice enough, a few meeting rooms, a huge fish tank, and an empty room behind me with whiteboards. Haven't I seen offices like these before on TV? The ones telling us how they lie about their operations, take our down payments, then disappear the next day?

If they asked for down payment for anything, I will leave. Not worth leaving now, plus, there's a hot girl here asking me to fill out my name, address, and personal information, what could possibly go wrong, right? She could be asking for my number so she could call it in the future, right? ;)

I took the board, and asked to fill it out in a green waiting room with 5 or 6 framed motivational posters on the walls. It seems like they are trying way too hard to seem like a professional working environment.

There were also 3 other people here with me: a white guy with a beard, suit jacket, dress pants, and... leather boots? 2 black girls filling out one form talking in a very secretive manner. Soon a white girl came in, she was speaking in French... damn, not bad looking. I fill out my sheet, and by this time, another guy came in. Geez, high traffic eh? Well, I guess they didn't really have any screening process pre-interview. In this job economy, anyone will take anything.

A loud short man in a white suit comes up the stairs. The receptionist, we will call her Shaw (last name Tee), greeted the strange little man in the cheeriest way... shit this must be the boss. They have some inane conversation about the new fish he had just put into the tank, and the man disappears into the back. I just realize how quiet the waiting room had been the entire time. No one was saying anything, and it was really awkward. I guess everyone had the same questions in mind "What the fuck am I doing here? When do the interview begin?"

I looked at the time - 11:30. Cool. Punctuality is not an issue in this office. That's reassuring.

Another 15 minutes passed. Okay, this is getting ridiculous, when are they going to star-

A mulatto dressed in a full greysuit walked into the room with a clipboard, called out a name. It was one of the people before me, shook the guy's hand, introduces his name (we'll call him Machine Gun Max), brought the man out of the room and they disappeared around the corner. Shit -- will we ever see that man again? If I wanted to run, now's the time...

Another mulatto came around, introduced his name (Sureshot Steve), and brought one of the black girls away for an interview. Apparently the other girl was just there to accompany her friend.

This went on for a bit, with the two men alternating. My interview happened to be with Max. We get past the cordialities, and I follow him to an office, at the end of the snaking hallway. This next part became hazy because the guy started to talk. This guy talks like he's driving on the Autobahn. If there were a speed limit to talking, the vocation police would have called out the entire fleet to chase this man, helicopters and everything. Hardly grasping what he said, he'd always end each segment with a question, and I'd be stunned for a second, retrace the memory of what he'd just said and agree.

But basically, he explains that this job is very much like a door-to-door job (I think he called it "a performance based job with a lot of opportunities to work outdoors -- you like working outdoors right?"). He explained that his company was working with quite a few big name clients, showed me the list. I saw Red Cross, Planned Canada, World Vision, and a few others on the list (placing a mental note that I would never donate to this places again). He explained that it was not commissions based, and that I will be paid for every dollar worked. Except, my wage will go up if I performed well, and I am given 2 weeks of paid training. Not all bad.

We concluded the interview with him informing me that tomorrow I will have a second interview on the field - my day of observation. I will be working with another employee and it will be determined whether if I am suitable for the job. I thanked him for his time (and silently thanking him for allowing me to leave with my organs). Upon my way out, I took another look at the beautiful receptionist, another look into the green waiting room where even more people now sat, and I took a look into the empty room with a lot of white-boards wondering what secrets this mystical shrine possessed.

I left dazed and confused, and with a lot of unanswered questions. "What kind of people will I be working with?" "What kind of door-to-door will I have to do? What is door-to-door like?" "Should I even keep this job? I mean, door to door is quite a transgression of my morals..."

"Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?"

Too many unanswered questions, my head hurts. Just drive home for now, forget about tomorrow, and have a good night's rest. Because tomorrow will be a fucking long day.

-Wayne

Understanding Myself.. part 1

My frosh week was absolutely uneventful... I can blame other people for it, but the real problem was me -- I didn't want to socialize with new people / I was scared to in such a setting.

Readers who know me, know that I do not play any sport and know that I am not too active. So I felt difficulties in striking up a conversation with other people, because they always inevitably ask, "what sport do you play?" I can't say none either, because then they ask, "oh yeah? what do you do then?" Whatever response then I come out with will seem lame and make me look like a geek. And god forbid I look like a geek, because I'm cool! Maybe it's time to pick up a sport?

I have come to terms with what I am like, but whenever I meet new people, I try to change that perception of me. Then people think I'm boring and 1-dimensional, then I grow bored, drop the facade. It takes a long time for people to know me on a personal level, and this is why I like to hangout with old friends, and have a difficulty making new friends in the beginning.

And I can't start playing a new sport because I'm afraid of making myself look like a fool... which I'll inevitably do for the first little while playing whatever sport. And quite frankly, I just don't find any of them fun. Plus, (I might just be making excuses for myself) it's hard to start sports at an age so much later than other people, maybe starting to play a sport young would have helped? But I did play sports when I was younger, up to pretty much until grade 9. Even in grade 9 I played badminton. So what's the problem?

I can't answer this question.

I'm afraid I've realized how arrogant and vain I really am. I hold myself in a really high esteem, and as the Chinese would call it -- I have very thin skin. I've even realized I possess certain dark traits. And I masquerade them through trying to appear as a normal functioning citizen of society.

Haha.. those last few lines make me seem like psychopath / serial killer. No, nothing really big or major (arguable by some people), and I do have morals... at least I believe I have strong morals.

Anyways, how did I end up typing all of that? I realized my only motivating factor in life is to blend in with society and seem sociable. Otherwise, I don't really have a desire to do anything.

I mean... I enjoy playing the guitar, but I have no motivation to do better; I enjoy going to the gym only when I'm in a routine, but once I out of my routine, I'm in a rut and nothing motivates me to go back. This ties back to my dislike of sports, and everyone knows physical activity results in endorphins, making people happy. I feel a need to interact with people, but I also dislike talking to people for a long time. It exhausts me. I usually just like to live life in my own little world. Which is why when I'm high (OMG!! YOU DO DRUGS?!?)*, I don't talk at all, or at least, don't want to talk at all -- I'm too busy lost in my own little world. I'm too busy talking to myself (in my head). That's partly the reason why I don't want to smoke weed again. I probably still will... maybe once a year or something of that frequency. V EQUALS LAMBDA F!

*Grow up people, marijuana is less dangerous than alcohol. And no, I'm not a junkie or anything (as if you can be a marijuana junkie) I just occasionally "puff-puff-pass".

What a strange blog post. That felt more like a therapy session than stories.

There will most probably be more to come, but they won't be in chronological order -- or in any order really.

Off for now, doing whatever,

Xman/Wayne

LMOM 3.0

Hey everybody... whoever you are...

Haha.. why I laugh is beyond me - I must be going insane.

So this post is gonna a mushy sentimental piece of crap... so don't read until you've finished your meal for at least an hour.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Now. I've never kept track of my life on a day to day basis like using a journal or keeping a diary, but I've had to write about significant events in my life throughout much of my young life. Homework... from home. I remember hating to do those and how every single kid on the block didn't have to deal with this BS; I remember how I thought I had the worst parents ever and how I would wish for anything to get me out of writing them.

Heh, life is ironic. I love reading them now, and through this way, I kept a lot of absolutely amazing memories from being lost... forever. Time is a bitch.

The thing is, I never begin to realize how fast time goes until I start to reflect on the past... and it just makes me so sentimental. But I can't afford to be sentimental right now, I have an entire life to live, I have my old age to reflect on how great my life had been.

Which brings me to the next part. I want to, once again, keep a log of what's been going on with my life. The past two years have been magnificent. The last year of high-school and the first year of university are and will probably be the closest events to being polar opposites in my life in a back-to-back fashion - and what a crazy time these two years have been. They were full of energy and magnetism.

I have read some of my older posts... I've matured beyond them. This means I will no longer be writing long opinion-based essay-articles. I had fun writing them, and I'm even enjoying re-reading them. But like the blog states... my opinions don't matter. Life goes on whether if I want it to or not, let alone liking it.

I will not be updating this daily, but I would like to update it at least weekly. I might write a few articles in the next few days regarding significant events of first year. My life will be open to the world, and if you happen upon it. You now know a little bit more about someone you didn't even know existed. My life will be like a story book to you, just like how everyone else is just like an NPC in an MMORPG.

I do not wish to sound so geeky, but no other analogy describes the situation as well. Other people are just like computer programs to you as you are to them. To everyone, everyone else only reacts based on their decisions. I wish to bring you, the reader, into my life and imagine my life through my eyes, and understand and know me even though you will never meet me.

I also do not believe Asquaredx2 nor phleet will ever contribute again, but I do welcome their inputs, as this blog isn't even truly mine.

I thank you for reading through that long piece of e-garbage if you did.

More updates will be coming in the next little while, and LMOM will soon be back on schedule in another fashion.

Signing Off,

noname/x-man

A Last Word...Perhaps

I cannot, with a straight face, pretend that I have kept up with this website. Nor, I imagine, have you. For this I offer the following reasons: one, that other work, especially in the educational sector, has multiplied in quantity and quality; two, that I have become more interested in a sports capacity, and have moved on to different internet communities; three, that the sheen of the undiscovered wonders of the internet has largely worn off, which is perhaps not a positive. Nevertheless, I’ve been struggling to get an idea out of my mind, and seeing it as an opportunity to use this site for that purpose which it was originally designed: to offer my own half-assed opinion. Thus, to whosoever may pass by, I ask this question simply as a point for reflection:

I think there is a strong sentiment, amongst the more politically attuned of us, to villainize the Corporation. By this I mean, to render the corporation as a faceless, cruel monster to which we all fall victim – to make it the villain. I am by no means an ardent supporter of MNCs (those who know my political views would know that I am hardly ultra-capitalist), and to some extent this is true. But can we absolve ourselves, the consuming public, of all blame?

There is always a desire to attack corporations for acts that appear quite clearly to be wrongdoings. We condemn the Exxon Valdez for negligence resulting in environmental catastrophe; moreover, we raise the point that double-hulled ships should have been considered necessary. We berate companies for the use of sweatshops and other methods of cutting cost by cutting the quality working conditions. Most obviously, we despise the Bush regime for its apparent economic motives for wars in the Middle East.

Those are all, I hope you agree, terrible things, and I do not argue that such a desire is necessarily misplaced. Anyone who doubts our complicity in these actions will argue that hardly any member of the consuming public would have wished such things to occur, and I can only agree. Complicity can be found in a number of other ways, but again, we can point to fixed elections, limited purchasing capacity, and covered-up information to remove ourselves from the equation. It is these evil corporations and governments who are to blame, and not us. We are two, separate, distinct entities. At least, that is a common attitude.

However, we are inextricably linked. It is naïve, I think, to believe that we are enslaved to these institutions, and that the relationships are not at all reciprocal. After all, as much as we provide funds for them, they are to provide services and products for us. And it is the desire of the vast majority of Western society, I would think, to live as decadently as is possible in our respective incomes. We want to be able to get as much as possible – a result of this is that we, for the most part, demand as low prices as possible. If products A and B could be purchased when manufactured in Country Y for the same price as only product A when manufactured in Country X, the majority of us would want the former. Part of this materialism stems from the relentless advertising of corporations, but more still stems from basic human selfishness.
It is, therefore, not necessarily with great malice that corporations go into third-world countries for manufacturing purposes or raw materials. The Exxon Valdez used a single-hulled ship not out of hatred for the environment but for the desire to offer as low a price as possible: these low-as-possible prices originate from our desire to be able to afford more. The result is that other things: the environment, the third world, etc. end up paying the difference.

The Exxon Valdez, I think, is a good example, because our way of life is entirely predicated on cheap oil, and cheap energy. Suburbia is made possible by it. The ability to have international products and food transported to us is made possible by it. The ability to heat our houses in the winter and cool them in the summer, to power our electronics, to keep our food refrigerated: all of this is made possible (or fueled, to use a pun) by cheap energy.

In this way, in this relentless demand for as low-as-possible prices, we are made indirectly but ultimately very directly complicit. To be sure, much of the wrongdoings of corporations originate from their desire to turn a buck, but a large part of this is to fulfill the demand of low costs to the consumers: because, for the most part, we want to live as decadently as possible, so long as we aren’t directly wronging someone. Out of sight wrongdoings, however, are out of mind.

It is for this reason that I roll my eyes when well-meaning souls muse that they wish everybody had it as good as they do. The polarization of the world is not coincidental or a case of us simply not printing enough money for the other 80%: our standard of life is predicated on the poverty of the rest of the world. I do not feel that blaming the corporation or placing more restrictions on them is a way of solving this issue. We have to take a good look at ourselves. What this means is reduced consumption (alternative forms of energy, for all they’ve been lauded, may not make up for the peaking of oil), and more ethical consumption when we do consume.

Ethical consumption does, of course, mean increased prices. This is a sacrifice we must make if we have any real desire to improve the other man’s lot. Corporations pursue minimum production costs (and thus, largely limited ethical production) because we have dictated that what we desire are minimum prices. If the consuming public should suddenly up and demand more ethical means of manufacturing – in exchange, of course, for a bit more dough – then any moderately intelligent corporation will listen to those demands.

A good example of this idea is the recent phenomenon of “selling green.” A sizeable portion of companies have bought into this, advertising products that make the consumer believe that they are doing something good for the environment. Another, if less wide-spread phenomenon, is that of Fair Trade, a foundation on which Bridgehead has seen a meteoric rise, at least in Ottawa.

This has not been a final solution, however. Companies still often have one small segment of a product be “green,” but market the product as though it is entirely so. This reminds us that many companies remain a part of the problem. But this is a solution that requires us not merely to make ourselves seem the victim, but recognize our role. We must do much of the work. Otherwise, we will continue to close our eyes as we fire bullets into the rest of the world.

Cinderella: the Hidden Message – (from a Humorous Perspective)

As a note to readers, I wrote the following because I was bored and wanted to practise my writing abilities, I hope you will like it.

The tale of Cinderella is a heart warming classic. It teaches a very valuable lesson to kids: if you believe and follow your dreams, they will come true – a great and timeless moral that will fill children of all ages with hope. However, there is a deep and disturbing underlying message that parents tend to leave out during their nightly ritual of bed time stories. Although Cinderella follows through with her dreams, it is never supposed to have occurred as she does nothing to try and achieve her goals. It is by pure fortuitous chance that she just happens to have a fairy god-mother waiting for her hand-on-foot, ready to pull her out of any devastating situations. When Cinderella’s step-sisters and step-mother goes out to the ball, probably leaving a sink full of dirty dishes behind, Cinderella just plants her derriere on a stool and unleashes the waterworks by the bucketfuls (after she makes sure the plates are sparkling clean, I assume).

Instead of doing anything, like going out of the house or borrowing one of her wicked sisters’ dress (she can leave the house, she’s an adult for Pete’s sake!), she decides to give up and hope, by magic, someone will whisk her out of her desolation and fly her down in front of the prince and have him swoon over her. So in a way, as she forfeits her dream and is about to live as an abused miserable housemaid for the rest of her life, her magical aide comes to clean up her mess of an existence and completely, and I mean completely, turns it around. If only this world had a bit more magic, then all the little girls will be marrying princes, all the little boys will be superheroes, and all the free-market advocates will never have to face retribution. Or is the story telling us that magic is provided to only those who are worthy? Then I wonder to myself, “who makes this judgement?” and “why does that person have so much power?” Nobody should be awarded with this much control over others!

I also question just how happy her life with the prince will truly be. A spoiled royalty who halted the entire nation’s productivity to find a girl he will be sick of after a week, marries a raggedy Anne who knows absolutely nothing about the outside world with the only credentials “kind and do windows.” When it is finally the prince’s turn to rule, I give this kingdom one year before its armies are decimated, its economy left in total ruins, and its head of state becomes nothing more than a “head-on-stake.”

-=n0n4m3=-

p.s. Make comments on my writing, that's what I'm concerned about the most here.

That's it - This has gone on for too long!

NOTE: All Links are Essential to the Essence of the Article!

To all Ottawans: You should already know, without reading the rest of this post of what I am about to say. The OCT has gone too far and too long on this one.

The OCTranspo has been on strike since yesterday morning at 12:01AM (December 11, 2008), amidst a snowstorm, and has put the entire city in pretty much a standstill, a ground halt. Although the city is currently "earning" money through it, each individual in the city, I guarrantee you, is not. I know my family has already lost the greater half of a grand over these two days which is enough money to buy an annual OCT pass, for an adult.

Just what is this strike about? So far, through reading OCT drivers' comments on websites, I interpret the cause of the strike as a need for respect, safe environment, good wage, and fair hours... Which, in my opinion, is exactly what they are receiving right now, but okay, let's hear them out first.

First off, they are saying they want a wage increase of 10% over three years. This was pretty much their primary term in the initial proposal. The city said, no, that's too much, and offered 7% increase over 3 years with $2000 in lump sum to all transit workers - over 2000 of them. Just in lump sum, that is at least $4 000 000 distributed by the city, a city that currently has financial issues itself.

They refused, and said it isn't just about money, it's about respect and safety. Most of them don't know whether if they will make it home by the end of the night (what a load of bull shit). They say there's a possibility of people puking on them, and "attacking" them, and being rude (and which job that deals with the public doesn't?)

Then their next big term was the scheduling issue. The OCT wants block scheduling, and wants to choose the schedules themselves...

Yes, you must be INCREDULOUS at this point. Have you EVER heard of a job where you get to choose your schedules? 

I can only imagine the conversation being like this:

Worker: "Yo, Boss! I want monday morning  & aft, tuesday morning & aft, wednesday morning & aft, thursday off, and friday morning & aft. That only leaves you with the evenings and thursdays to cover... you want to do that man? Ya, thanks, that'd be great.

While you're at it, fetch me a beer and a paper. Then get down on your knees and suck me off."

I don't even need to say how crazy inefficient this is.

Next comes with the respect. I admit, some bus drivers really do deserve respect. The one I usually encounter on the 87 in the afternoon at Mackenzie King Bridge is very kind and helpful; but the majority of them tend to 

a) drive past you a bit and make you run beside it

b) see you coming, and drive off (probably while also laughing manically, and twirling their handlebar moustaches) just for the schadenfreude

c) be COMPLETELY rude to you when you get on

I had one driver threaten to confiscate my month pass because I forgot to write the numbers in.

Thing is, if you want respect, please earn it. Back it up with actual skill, and the respect will come naturally, this is natural law. You can't be respected if you don't deserve it!

We are in an economic slump right now, and large numbers of people are getting laid off. Yet these chaps are pouring oil into the fire by slowing down the activities of the city, and demanding more conditions while they are at it. Hey geniuses, learn the art of retribution. When you fuck with the economy, the enonomy fucks you 10 times harder.

They just obliterated the Communism/Socialism ideal. I had hopes for communism, but now I realize this: humans do not deserve it. This is a huge blow against my beliefs, and now I will go hang myself.

Unions, what used to be organizations for workers' protection, are now abusing their powers and have lost of their original meaning. What they are doing is actually worse that what the Somalian pirates are doing. They are blackmailing the public and holding the city and the public at a ransom, when they finally do receive what they ask for, what do you think is gonna happen for the public? Nothing. What's the benefit for the public? Nothing. In fact, when the union does finally sink their hands into their pile of dirty money, the bus drivers will keep being rude, and the riders will keep getting screwed over. 

I seriously feel that I am paying more and more for a poorer and poorer service.

I wonder how much the bus drivers make in the first place. I think I heard from more than one credible sources that the average pay is 60k per year. That's a lot considering what they do and how much education they need for this occupation. If you don't like your job, please quit. There are always people who are more than willing to replace you for less than what you make, and less perks than what you had. You knew the terms when you joined. Don't go complaining about the conditions now.

And I love how someone on a forum said

"alot of people have said in this thread "if they dont like their job they should quit" 

why dont those people quit THEIR job and work closer to home so that a bus strike can't affect theM?"

What an intelligent remark. Oh boy, I can't believe how my life could've been complete without that comment. I can't believe how much thought and logic had been put into that rebuttal. Right now, people are disgruntled about OCT employees, not their current employers or their current working conditions. WE ARE ANGRY AT THE OCT, BUT WE STILL LOVE OUR JOBS. So there is absolutely no reason for us to quit... idiot.

Since the OCT crosses 2 provinces, it is out of the juristiction of the city and provinces. It is up to the federal government to enact the law of making transit an essential service, barring transit workers from striking. We all know how efficiently the government is working right now. Face it, we are doomed. All cities require a working public transportation system, pairing them alongside other famous city characters such as CuCu the cop car, Mamby the ambulance, Fucker the firetruck. I guess, in a way, what I'm trying to say is, unless Ottawa gets a proper transit system working, it will never be a very interesting or signifcant city.

Here are a few news clips of reporters talking to the Union head. It's funny because Andre was being totally incooperative for both, and that pretty much sums up what he has to say.

"I have no idea, give me some time to think of some blatant lie"

http://watch.ctv.ca/news/latest/commuter-chaos/#clip120211

http://www.cfra.com/chum_audio/Andre_Cornellier_Dec10.mp3

I got these from Frank.

"No, I will not let my members vote."

Hmm... Well then, the strike has to be justified right?

Here's more information about the discussion:

http://www.octranspo.com/mapscheds/Contingency/FAQs_final%20offer_revLR_en.pdf

You can tell obviously that he is just making up shit. It is just so damn obvious, because if he knew what he was saying or believed what he was doing was justified then he'd have given a proper explanationg without hesitation. Remember, in both cases, the union was being completely disobliging - does that sound like they want to resolve this issue quickly?

Child: "HEY! I think this bread is moldy!"

Mother: "Here's some money, you can go to the store to buy a new loaf"

Child: "No, I want more money, and I want to eat at a restaurant for 5 weeks."

How convincing. This strike is 80% about the money. They think if they extend this shit for a long period of time, then the city will definitely succumb to all demands. Contrarily, I think, when this shit drags on for too long, people will find their own way of surviving in the city. There's a reason we humans, as a species, are still living and existing in this world. Survival of the fittest.

I also love the fact how the picketers are blocking off the university shuttles... even though exams are going on right now. This act pretty much sums up how low these workers will stoop.

Thanks a lot OCT, it's not like I don't have enough things to juggle in my hands. Now you've taken away my independence as well, and made me miss an ortho appointment. What used to be a 20 minute trip for 2 dollars has now been extended to over an hour for 10 dollars of gas, at the same time, parents' are losing work hours, because they have to pick me up.

You've really done it this time you selfish bastards. You chose the worst time purposefully to inconvenience an entire city, causing loss from damages, increased car accidents, and probably patients in emergency situations to not reach the hospital in time. I hope that extra few buck in your pants can buy back your conscience. Go ahead and picket. We have long lost sympathy for you and your kind just because you pulled this dick move. You want respect? Stop this damn strike. I just hope somebody in a position of power will act soon, and send these sloths to their work without any changes to their contracts whatsoever.

"Do you want negotiations? Suck my dick and then we'll talk. "

-=n0n4m3=-

(Btw, I do not agree with privatizing the transit system - there's something sinful to the concept of privatizing a public service)

My Thoughts on the U.S. (World) Financial Crisis

Hello readers of LMOM. I'm sure there are very few of these people still left, but I always found this blog to be a good place to dump my thoughts or opinions.

Today's topic, which has been on my mind for sometime now, is the current financial crisis, an issue which has been bothering us all (if you haven't started worrying about it yet, it's time).

Here's a little background information to those who has not been paying attention or just don't really understand:

*Ahem*

This world has been running on a credit system ever since the introduction of money. What is a legal tender (note)? Why, it's the promise that for whatever services or goods which has been provided toyou, you will pay back that person with that much money's worth in gold. Where is this sum of gold stored? Our national treasuries. This concept of passing down a worthless sheet of paper down as if it's the jewel of the world became quickly popular around the world. What has been a very practical means of transaction was soon taken advantage of by leaders and financially influential people of the world. They started increasing the worth of money when they really didn't have the gold to back up that claim. 

If everyone in the world decided to buy back gold at the same time instead of holding on to our money, we would soon find ourselves extremely short changed. The influence on the worth of our money has been slowly evolving and adapting to the changing demands of the consumers (us) and the dealings of business around the world. 

No longer solely influenced by the amount of gold a country's treasury has, the price of the dollar has been inflated slowly but surely.

This, my friend, is the credit system.

Does it sound unstable? Well that's because it is. As more demand for a certain country's money increases, their money's worth also increases, just like the stock market; and if demand decreases, the opposite happens. This system can be easily taken advantage of by the richest people world, making them even richer... And it has been! Take a look into the Asian Financial Crisis in 1997.

(I'm not exactly sure if I'm completely right on the above and if you wish to correct me, please do so in the comments section.)

But that was just a short prelude to what I'm about to tell you.

Keeping this in mind let's turn our eyes back to Wall St.

Wall St. has been funded under the credit system where you borrow money to make more money. Doesn't this sound stupid, sounding like the theory of perpetual machines? Well, no, a smart person can take advantage of this and become really rich, and the dumb person will make a poor financial decision equal to the degree of the rich person's financial success, balancing the equation (not every single person can be rich at the same time, and ultimately, there are way more idiots than there are geniuses). But this has just always been a floatsam economy (not a real term, it was made by me), where everything looks steady and firm on the exterior, but will surely break apart  or float away one day. 

Here's the problem with the credit system. When the financial situation is good, it will function, and it will keep improving. But as soon as the economy hits one hiccup, we could be facing complete and utter failure. Sure things can seem alright in the present, but a problem will come one day, and no one will know when. 

As soon as there is enough bad finacial news in the media, some people will abandon their stocks and cease to spend more money, because of this, the demand for stocks decrease, and the price of stocks drop. As soon as there is a slight drop in stocks plus the negative news outputted by the media, more people will start to sell, letting bears (people who either believes or wishes for the stocks to decrease in order to make money or just lack market confidence) overtake the market. If the news isn't bad enough, bulls (opposite of bears) will believe that market will make another rise, thus, restarting the cycle.

But what if the news is really bad?

That brings us back to what happened in 1930.

People were borrowing money to buy investments, markets were HUGELY inflated, and one significant drop made the huge mass of naive fools pull out. Markets plummetted, and people wanted their money pulled out of their banks to ensure their assets. Banks ran out of money, because people who borrowed money to make investments couldn't pay back. Banks went bankrupt (bank raped?), people were left with absolutely no hope, no sense of direction, and, of course, no money.

New policies were developed by our governments after the Great Depression to help prevent this event from ever happening again. But pretty much, as long as this credit system continues, it will always just be a band-aid on an open gash. This system pretty much violates one of the first Chinese peoples' fundamental principles, spend what you have, sparingly, earn what you need, diligently. Of course, this isn't exactly right, if everyone was prudent, no one would be rich. This principle was largely founded after the fall of imperialism in China, and the KMT did a poor job of managing the country. Money was worth less than paper, and vests/clothing were put into banks instead of money. The populace faced extreme hardships and went to bed each night dreaming for a fulfilling meal. Of course, 2 generations later, this sense of prudency will disappear along with their generation, and China's attitude will match that of the Americans'.

Anyways, you should always save a portion of your life savings for emergencies, and you should always spend ONLY what you have / will get in a short period of time with guarrantees. Don't live your life with debts trailing you like a piece of toilet paper on your shoe.

Anyways, in the case of the present American financial situation, the news was bad enough, and there are enough people pulling out.

The subject of the news? Negativity on the reign of Bush (he'll doom us all), huge American debts, oil prices rising at speeds which is only second to that of my penis when my right hand is firmly attached to it, and my left hand is opening a playboy magazine.

The businesses, sensing this change of market direction must follow accounting principles and write off a) their projected earnings and b) their receivable accounts (assuming there is an increased number of people not paying). Giving the investors and consumers a conservative look on their financial situation. This write off will dispel current and potential investors, plummetting their stock prices to new lows. That's what happened with the Lehman Brothers, they acquired an immense amount of bad mortgages, and offered 40-50 year mortgages to people who had no steady income or jobs or appeared to have no valid form of repayment. This caused them to rack up monumental debts when the stocks started to plummet. The problem? They only considered the present. When the times are good, no one remembers the bad, when the times are bad, people wish they would've remembered the bad so the times could've stayed good. Make sense?

Anyways, when the markets plummetted in constant 3 digit figures, they had to write off a bunch of bad debts causing their expected revenue to be lower than their expenses. Seeing this, investors are spooked, and creditors demanded their credit  to be paid back in full before they have no more money to pay back (sound familiar?). Since they really don't have the money to pay back creditors - their assets are still tied down with sketchy people who might not even (be able to) pay back - they filed for bankruptcy. Like this, the market crumbles like the dead skin flakes on the back of a 90 year old man. Don't place all your trust in creditors, they will loan you an umbrella when it's sunny, and take it away when it rains.

Just to tell those readers who are confused, the reason the Lehman Brothers offers these of mortgages is because the amount of revenue they earn from interest will be HUGE if the debtors actually pay back in full.

When 1 giant falls, another must be dragged down as well (think of giants falling like dominoes). Washington Manual (WaMu), one of America's BIGGEST banks, the next to follow after Lehman Brothers, fails. The government has to bail it out, people were standing outside bank branches in huge lines waiting to withdraw their money, branches of WaMu run out of money.

This is not a joke, this is not a what if story, this is not a fairy tale with a moral attached recited to kids before they make their tribute to the fucking sand humanoid-monster.

This is happening now.

I want you to take a big breath, and fully grasp that concept. Unless the US government acts soon, more banks will fail, and again, when 1 giant falls, another must be unwillingly tripped in the process, causing a giant(adj) giant(n) rumble on the intersections of Giants Ave and Giantess Blvd, leaving half the world in smoldering ruins, and the other shaking in their own urine, sweat, blood, and tears.

No, it won't be that bad, I'm just exaggerating.

But guys, I mean it, we are witnessing the greatest recession of our time, and the emerging of another world power (after what happens with the US now, no country will be extremely confident with them in a while). Maybe even another Depression, ultimately leading to World War III. This time, we will have the power to wipe this tiny, insignificant, and unspecial planet out of the solar system, and smear it off of the face of the universe. I hope it's not a depression, but who knows what the future can bring us.

What this article meant to do is to inform you people from my point of view. Hopefully, I've done enough to let you want to do research on your own, or to become smart consumer. Know when to spend, and know when to save.

Now's the time to save guys. Technically, in my opinion, now's the time to spend. Everybody in the world, spend your asses off, and our economy will be saved. The $700bn plan will actually help the American people, and probably save the world. But obviously, no one else can hear me, so save up guys, and prepare for an extra harsh, cold, long, and bleak winter.

Oh, sorry, we're already in Canada.

-=n0n4m3=-

PS. Jamie, if you could, can you please ask your dad what he thinks of the situation? He's a prof in Queens teaching economics, I'm sure he has extremely credible opinions, and I'm genuinely interested in what he thinks.

A Follow Up Post

Hello,

Needless to say, it's the summer time....

AND THERE ARE GREAT MOVIES OUT!!

I want to watch them.

So leave a comment in the comment section which movie you guys want to see and we can go see together.

Here's The List:

Get Smart (Just saw it today):



GREAT movie. Fantastic humour. 5/5. A definite must see.


Ironman:



Heard great reviews - many of you probably saw it already. But meh, I'm posting it here.


Kungfu Panda:



Kids movie, but it got great reviews and looks decent.


The Incredible Hulk:



Looks MUCH better than the 2003 version.


The Dark Knight:



I don't usually like Batman films. Correction. I usually hate Batman films - but this one looks very promising.


Hancock:



Not your average, everyday hero. He's got issues - huge issues. That makes the movie interesting :D.


Step Brothers:



Not really sure if I'm excited or not. But I am willing to watch this movie.



And some notable mentions:
Wall-e
Hellboy II (Need to watch Hellboy I first)
The Mummy (Need to watch The Mummy 2 first)
Starwars - The Clone Wars (Need to watch every other Starwars movie first XD)

So ya, leave a comment on which one you want to see, and we can plan for a little something something (Preferably girls... Lot's of girls.. You other guys butt out!! Or a one-on-one with a girl. Or just A girl).

Peace,
-=n0n4m3=-

Summer Time! Hurray! - Epic Update

Needless to say, it's summer.

-=n0n4m3=-